This week in WTF stories: Dude leaves his organic token of admiration in his co-worker's coffee cup.
photo credit: teanaga
Normally when a man likes a woman, he would send flowers, poke them on Facebook, send chocolates, buy a teddy bear, sing them a cheesy ballad, etc.
A man in Minnesota used another approach in order to woo the object of his desire. Robert John Lind decided to drop his pants and rub one out in his crush's coffee cup.
The woman contacted police after catching Lind in the act. She told police that she caught Lind in a compromising position near her coffee cup. When Lind turned to face the object of his desire, he looked at her like a deer in headlights. She inspected her entire desk and noticed a very foul smell coming from her cup. She described the smell as being similar to urine, but more strange. She later told police that this had been an ongoing issue.
Lind did confess to the cops that he did jerk off in the woman's coffee cup....a total of 4 times. He did ejaculate in her cup twice. He also stated that he was crushing hard on the woman and that the act was his way of getting revenge on the woman. The woman threatened to report him for his inappropriate behavior, this included Lind approaching her with his pants down.
Charges were dropped in November due to lack of evidence.
My Two Cents:
When I read about this, I was nursing my hot cup of black coffee, thanking the gods that I didn't have anything extra in my cup of caffinated Heaven.
I understand that this dude was probably socially stunted, but there are other ways to show your affection. I don't know if this guy was getting swag advice from chimps at the zoo (they fling their sh*t at chimps they fancy), but humans use more sanitary approaches. I'm sure he could have gotten a coffee date if he had just sent chocolates or a card.
I've never known a guy to c*ckblock himself on this monumental of a scale, but I'm pretty sure he will be rubbing one out in his own coffee from now on.
As for his lady love, I hope his caveman affections didn't completely turn her off from coffee. Coffee really is proof that there is a Heaven. Sh*t, it's the only way I'm able to tolerate people on a daily basis. You don't want to see me without coffee.
