Blurbal Perspective

Earlier this week, Netflix released a new promo for upcoming show "Fuller House." The ladies of the show, Candace Cameron Bure, Jodie Sweetin, and Andrea Barber whipped and nae-naed for about 30 seconds. At the end of the promo, "Party's at our house" flashed onto the screen. Candace Cameron Bure and Jodie Sweetin showed off their dancing skills, but Andrea Barber sort of bowed out of the dance mid-way. She must have thought the same thing all of us thought: what a stupid dance, and what kind of drugs was the singer on when he wrote the song. Watch the promo for yourselves. As excited as I was about this show, I'm a bit nervous that they might showcase more sh*t music. God I miss the 80s and 90s.

Anyone who has had a cat has probably used a laser pointer to play with the cat. The red dot reminds the cat of a bug that must be destroyed. The cat stalks it, swipes at it, and may even try to bite it. Whatever the cat does, it provides us humans with a ton of amusement. My cat Patches loves the red dot game. I have the toy on my nightstand and whenever she hears the jingle of the keychain it is on, she immediately goes on alert. She will stare at me until I give her the red dot. She will lay on her cat bed, stalking the red dot. As I have been rehabbing from a fall that re-injured my spine, it has provided a ton of enjoyment to see her so playful. No matter how old the cat, or what breed it is, that red dot is the greatest conquest. Cats are members of the family. When you play the red dot game with your cat, make sure that you do not point the laser into your cat's eyes. I know it is common sense, but sometimes in the thick of playtime with kitty, we may experience a

A man in Florida was apprehended after being caught shoplifting sex toys from a Spencer's Gifts shop in Vero Beach, Florida. Thirty-three year old Christopher Masters was arrested after the store manager witnessed Masters place two sex toys down his shorts. Among the toys in his possession were the "Arouzed Screw Butt Plug," and the "Arouz'd Stroker Can." Masters admitted to Spencer Gifts security team that he had the money to purchase the items, but he didn't want to be seen purchasing them (the items were worth $30). Masters was charged with misdemeanor shoplifting. Later that night, he posted a $500 bond and was released. My Two Cents: Dude f*cked himself more than the can or butt plug ever would. Next time, just buy the sex toys. Better yet, don't get the sex toys at Spencer Gifts. Only teenagers and 20-somethings shop there. Go to a real sex store. No need to be embarrassed to shop there since other patrons are there for the same t

Christmas has come early for 'Real Housewives of New Jersey' star Teresa Giudice, and her family. The 43-year-old was released from prison early Wednesday morning after close to a year in the Danbury Correctional Facility in Danbury, Connecticut. Giudice pleaded guilty to 4 counts of fraud last year. Some of the charges brought up against her included conspiracy to commit wire and mail fraud. She also pleaded guilty to bankruptcy fraud. Her husband, Joe, is set to report to prison next year for pleading guilty to the same charges. He will be serving a 41-month sentence. My Two Cents: I can't wait to see how her release from prison plays out next season. Should be quite interesting.

In the early morning hours of December 11, 2015, 55 year old Dawn Meikle was woken up by her husband's flatulence . She elbowed her husband to stop. The elbowing turned into kicking. She eventually kicked her husband out of bed. After spending a couple of minutes out of bed, he returned, only to start sounding the butt trumpet once again. Meikle kicked and elbowed him to stop. The situation began to escalate when she grabbed her phone, ran to the bathroom, and closed the door. Before closing the door, she discharged pepper spray in the bedroom. Meikle called 911 and was arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge. She was later released from the St. Lucie County Jail. My Two Cents: I think in this situation, the pepper spray is a more vile form of chemical warfare than the farting. B*tch, don't act like you don't fart.

With Christmas being just a few days away, Blurbal Vomit wanted to share a beloved (and accurate) Christmas song. Ladies and Gentleman, here is the iconic Bob Rivers with the 12 Pains of Christmas: In all seriousness, I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas.

Farrah Abraham, who rose to fame on Teen Mom, and on Backdoor Teen Mom, confirmed to US Weekly that she has begun the process to adopt a child. “I’m happy to confirm I'm moving forward in my adoption process. This means I will be making some changes in my career to welcome a new addition to my family. Very excited and this feels so right. I'm very blessed for this opportunity.” The 24 year old is already mom to 6 year old Sophia. Sophia's father died in a car accident in 2009, two months before Sophia was born. My Two Cents: I believe it is written in the Bible that this is one of the signs of the apocalypse.

You had one job, Steve Harvey... The internet is abuzz this Monday with the flub heard round the world. On Sunday's Miss Universe telecast, pageant host Steve Harvey misread his cue card when it was time to announce the winner. He announced Miss Colombia as the winner. After Miss Colombia was crowned, Harvey learned of his mistake and immediately apologized to the contestants and the viewers. He announced that the true winner was Miss Philippines. Since the broadcast, Steve Harvey has continuously apologized for his mistake. My Two Cents: In this day and age, mistakes such as Steve Harvey's do not go unnoticed by the internet. Dozens of memes have already popped up mocking Harvey's flub. Below is my favorite one:

Parents, if you think accidentally leaving your 8 year old son at home during Christmas won't completely f*ck up your child, you might want to watch this video. Poor Kevin McCallister was so traumatized by what his family did, that he took fashion advice from Joe Dirt, and became a warped sadistic f*ck. As he tells his sad life story to a stranger, they get car-jacked. Watch what happens when the traumatized McCallister is face-to-face with the car-jacker. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.

Starting February 26 2016, everywhere you look, you will see episodes of the "Full House" spinoff, "Fuller House ." The show will star Candace Cameron Bure, reprising her role as DJ Tanner-Fuller, a widowed veterinarian with young children. Jodie Sweetin is reprising her role as Stephanie Tanner, an aspiring musician who moves back in with DJ Tanner-Fuller. Andrea Barber will be reprising her role as DJ's best friend, Kimmy Gibbler. Gibbler moves in with DJ and Stephanie. Gibbler is a single mother, like DJ Tanner-Fuller. Both women will be helping one another in raising their children. Mark your calendars for February 26, 2016! This is not a drill!

Anyone who is a fan of Jimmy Kimmel Live is probably a fan of the Mean Tweets part of the show. Well, Mean Tweets #9 is out, and stars such as Kurt Russell, Kirsten Dunst, Lake Bell, and Colin Farrell read their favorite insults from their favorite internet trolls. Watch below: Keep them coming, Jimmy Kimmel!!

Anyone who watches "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" has seen Yolanda Foster go through hell and back with her illness. Unfortunately, the illness proved to be too much for David Foster to handle, and the couple split after 9 years together. David Foster is speaking for the first time about his ex-wife's illness, saying that Yolanda loves the attention she gets from being sick, and that she is exaggerating her disease. A friend of David Foster's tells US Weekly that Yolanda Foster never got a second or third opinion on her illness, nor has she been given a definitive diagnosis. Another insider questions why Yolanda Foster did the show if she was so sick. A friend of Yolanda Foster's states that her illness is very real and that she is a fighter. The friend also states that she did the season in order to raise awareness of Lyme Disease. My Two Cents: Yolanda Foster's situation hits home for me, as I recently went through a relationship loss be

A source close to Rose and Dahl have announced that the engaged couple have split after nearly two years together. On Monday, the twosome shared their thoughts and gratitude of their time together: "@RubyRose you have brought me to my best and I will always love you. I can't wait to see what the future brings for us." Ruby Rose replied: "I will forever treasure our time together. I'm a better person because of all we shared." The split was amicable. My Two Cents: I feel bad for saying this, but now that Ruby Rose is single, perhaps I have a chance. Ruby, call me! LOL! J/K (maybe). ;-)

According to some sources, the 36 year old was seen getting rather cozy with the 21 year old while partying in West Hollywood. After the Biebs performed two songs, he turned his attention to Kourtney Kardashian. Both were seen smoking on a patio and flirting. The two left for another hotspot in West Hollywood. After some time together, they left the club separately. Reps for Kardashian and Bieber have not responded to the rumors. My Two Cents: I'm going to admit something right here: I watch "Keeping Up With The Kardashians." I've seen every episode and I don't think Kourtney Kardashian is dating Justin Bieber. I mean, Bieber is 10 years younger than Scott (and dumb as hell), and Scott has the IQ of a gerbil. I think if Kourtney Kardashian were to date again, she probably wouldn't choose a man-child like Bieber.

Have mercy! John Stamos has had tongues wagging for well over 30 years. He first gained stardom as "Blackie" in the 1980s. Shortly after, he won the role of Jesse Katsopolous on "Full House." After the series ended in 1995, Stamos went on to many acting and singing opportunities. Recently, Stamos returned to the small screen for breakout show "Grandfathered." On "Grandfathered," Stamos plays a playboy restauranteur who finds out that he has a son...and a granddaughter. John Stamos is also set to reprise his role of Uncle Jesse on "Fuller House" next month. I chose John Stamos as today's Man Candy Monday because of his recent photo shoot with Paper Magazine. Stamos got down with his cheeky self and bared all. Mind you, this is the same magazine that is responsible for last year's Kim Kardashian spread. Looking good, John Stamos! *whistles*

The world has been bombarded with the latest on Kim Kardashian West and Kanye West's newest spawn, Saint West. Some, however, never got the news . Actress Kirsten Dunst appeared on "The Tonight Show," and played a round of "Catchphrase" with host Jimmy Fallon. Dunst teamed up against Tariq and Will Smith, answering every question thrown at them. When Dunst was confronted with the subject of "Saint West," Dunst became puzzled, saying: "What is that?" While the audience enjoyed a hearty chuckle from her confusion, it appeared that she was genuinely lost on the subject. The 33 year old has had a lot on her mind lately, as she was just nominated for a Golden Globe for her work on the hit TV Show, "Fargo." My Two Cents: So, in order for the memory of Saint West to be erased from my memory, I need to be nominated for a Golden Globe? Sweet!

Most of us know the name Laura Prepon from her role as Donna from "That 70s Show." She played the love interest of Eric. After "That 70s Show" ended after 8 seasons, Prepon, 35, went on to guest star on several TV shows. She also acted in several movies before being cast as Alex Vause in Netflix's hit series "Orange is the New Black." Her role as the hot ex-girlfriend of Piper Chapman has gained her worldwide attention. During her time on OITNB, she won the Satellite Award for Best Supporting Actress - Series, Miniseries, or Television Film. Blurbal Vomit has chosen her to be the first #WCW because of the writer's long-time crush on Prepon. The crush stems from the days Prepon was on "That 70s Show." Ashton Kutcher who??

The 'Elf on the Shelf' is a tradition held dearly to families everywhere. The Elf helps Kris Kringle with managing the naughty and nice list, while spying on children in their homes. Unfortunately, one of these Elf's has gone rogue . Cops from the Bourne Police Department put out this alert on their Facebook: "Wanted Person: Use Caution. Wanted in a "string" of ginger bread house invasions. Known to spread Christmas Cheer and a specialist in covert surveillance. Often seen hiding in high places. Do not approach and especially DO NOT touch as this is known to cause loss of magical abilities to report back to his jolly kingpin!" Lt Brandon Esip was behind the Facebook post bulletin. His intention was to engage with the Bourne, MA community. Esip states that the police department would continue to document the pesky Elf's whereabouts. Wakefield Police Department in Middlesex County, MA also had some 'Elf on the Shelf' fun with their F

Just when you think Trump couldn't stoop any lower and embarrass this country, he opens his mouth again and says this: "Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in Jihad and have no sense of reason or respect for human life." Trump states that the ban on all Muslims is necessary "until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on." Trump's call for a ban on all Muslims comes after the tragedy that unfolded in San Bernardino last week, and also the tragedy that occurred in Paris, France. Many people on social media have called out Trump on his racist and fascist remarks. It is no secret that Trump has a problem with anyone who isn't a white Christian republican. My Two Cents: Trump is a horrible person for disparaging an entire race of individuals. Is there a minute group of Muslims

The holidays are a season of giving, and showing the people in your life how much you love them. Most of us know the right ways and wrong ways to bestow gifts to people. The Kardashians, however, must've been absent on the day we all learned right from wrong. On Sunday's episode of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians," Caitlyn Jenner gifts a rather bizarre gift to her youngest daughter, Kylie. The 66 year old hands Kylie a bra and panty set, with Caitlyn Jenner's face plastered all over the lingerie set. A taken aback Kylie tells Caitlyn that the gift is way too inappropriate to wear. When Caitlyn threatens to take the lingerie back, Kylie awkwardly refuses to give them back. I have attached the awkward exchange below. My Two Cents: I am not even surprised by the level of wrong that Caitlyn Jenner has reached. This is a whole new level of "what the f*ck is wrong with you" that I've ever seen in my lifetime. If you are going to give a g

Good afternoon lovely readers. Today's Man Crush Monday is Alexander Koch. Mr. Koch is a 27 year old actor who you've probably seen on "Under The Dome." He played James "Junior" Rennie. He was a bit of a psycho because his dad was the ultimate psycho. In August, the show got cancelled (which makes this girl very sad. By the way, FU CBS).  I chose him to be Blurbal Vomit's first #MCM because he is someone that I envisioned while I was writing my novel for NaNoWriMo last month. See, I was writing a post-apocalyptic romance, and while I already knew what my main character would look like, I was stumped on her love interest. I was watching an episode of "Under The Dome," and Alexander Koch instantly clicked. I did tweak a few things about the love interest, giving him blue eyes instead of Koch's brown eyes. Anyways, when Alexander Koch isn't making women swoon, he is relaxing with some music and playing guitar.

Sound the trumpets! The male spawn of Kimye has arrived ! The little darling made his debut in the world on Saturday morning, according to Kim Kardashian West's app. The site reports that Kim and baby are doing well. Nothing further has been reported about the birth. We all know that the pregnancy has been taxing for Kim Kardashian. Now she has the arduous task of picking a name for her spawn. Let's all hope that they change direction and not name him South.

TMZ, and numerous news outlets, are reporting that the Stone Temple Pilot singer was found dead on his tour bus on Thursday night. The news was also confirmed by his manager in an interview with Rolling Stone. Stone Temple Pilots was scheduled to perform in Minnesota on Thursday night, but had to cancel the concert. Many of Weiland's peers have expressed their condolences on social media. Details of Weiland's death have not been released as of yet. It is being reported that details surrounding Weiland's death may be released as early as Friday. My Two Cents: Anyone who was a rock music fan in the 1990s probably had a CD/Cassette or two from Stone Temple Pilots (I did). I was definitely a fan of STP. I'm pretty bummed out about his death. I'm sending my thoughts and prayers out to his family and loved ones during this difficult time. Scott Weiland, I want to say thank you for kick a** music. We will miss you, man! RIP! Readers: What was your favorite

A tragic event has taken place in San Bernardino, CA. One to three gunman  (exact number of gunmen is unknown) began shooting at 11am at a conference center that serves individuals with developmental disabilities. At least 20 people have been injured, and at least 12 people have been reported dead. Police are on the lookout for up to three suspects. These suspects were reported wearing tactical gear and holding long guns. It is reported that the fled the scene in a black SUV. The situation is still unfolding. This tragedy is the second mass shooting to occur today. My Two Cents: My heart and prayers go out to the good people of San Bernardino, CA. This is such a devastating situation. I hope to God that the suspects are caught and punished harshly. I ask that you all lift the victims up in healing vibes and prayer. #PrayForSanBernardino