Blurbal Perspective

photo credit: live105 Ms. Teigen found herself in a rather awkward situation when she went to take a shower and had forgotten to cleanse her hands of jalapeno juice prior to entering the shower. She got into the shower, as we all do. She got her body wet and primed for lathering. Suddenly, she was hit with a wall of burning pain (in her ladyparts). Yeeouch! One of Teigen's Twitter fans had a great idea to calm the burning sensation: "Pour milk all over yourself." Teigen did just that.     Ladies, I think we have learned an important lesson here: After handling jalapenos, wash your hands before washing your vag. If you forget and end up burning yourself, sit outside in a purple towel and Instagram your milk bath. 

photo credit: lyricallywaxing Presidential hopeful/conservative b*tch Mike Huckabee believes that we swear way too f*cking much. On a conservative talk show, Huckabee talked about his disdain toward the F-word (which happens to be my swear word drug of choice). "In Iowa, you would not have people who would just throw the f-bomb and use gratuitous profanity in a professional setting. In New York, not only do the men do it, but the women do it!" Oh my f*cking God! We women say the f-word. That's it, we're going to hell! Huckabee wasn't done there: "This would be considered totally inappropriate to say these things in front of a woman, but for a woman to say them in a professional setting, that's just trashy!" Hmmm... Folks, Mike Huckabee is another conserva-troll that wants women to be silent and spend their days in the kitchen. We aren't allowed to have a voice. We aren't allowed to swear. We aren't allowed to do anything

photo credit: Chesterfield police via WFSB A woman in Chesterfield, Virginia pretended that her daughter had terminal cancer in order to collect donations. Katie H. Patterson, 26, defrauded her co-workers into donating over $2,000 by telling them that her 4 year old was dying from Leukemia. She told her co-workers that the money would go toward doctor visits, medication and food. A friend of one of Patterson's co-workers began to suspect that something was off when she saw the 4 year old in public. "Since she was familiar with what was reported she knew the little girl should be very sick and ill. She didn't look that way, she looked pretty healthy, so she started to get suspicious."  - Chesterfield police statement Patterson was confronted and she then admitted that the four year old was not sick. She made up the story because she was dealing with financial difficulties. When she started the lie, the whole thing snowballed. Patterson then quit her job. A

photo credit: 11alive The following news story is rather old, but it is still generating a lot of buzz. A Tennessee mom is outraged because she claims she saw a "satanic" symbol inside a bus's brake lights. She said that the upside down pentagram was appalling and offensive to her Christian beliefs. “Anyone who fears a God, if not God and Jesus Christ, should be outraged. If you can’t put a cross on there, you can’t put a pentagram on it." She then pointed out Walgreen's controversy about selling wrapping papers with what appeared to be swastikas. “Would we allow a swastika, for instance, to be on the back of the bus?” Walgreens pulled the wrapping paper off the shelves and apologized for the offensive symbol. A woman who is a self-proclaimed Wiccan was interviewed about the "satanic" symbol in the brake lights. She did acknowledge that the symbol looked like a pentagram. However, she states that the pentagram was the symbol for her faith. “

photo credit: nowmagazine A British woman, who is known for her fat-shaming beliefs, has decided to take on obesity, and prove that it is "super easy" to lose weight. Super thin Katie Hopkins made a goal to gain 40 to 50 pounds in 12 weeks, and then lose 40 to 50 pounds in the same amount of time. Her journey was captured on camera and is being shown on TLC as a 2-part TV special. Katie Hopkins said this about her weight gain/lost journey: “The reason I'm gaining the weight is to prove how simple it is to lose weight if you really want to, and the only way I can do that is by becoming fat myself. I really believe that fat people’s solution is in their hands. They don’t need to put so much into their face.” Hopkins begins her journey by eating 3,000 calories a day. A few weeks into the experiment, she notices that she is not losing any weight. She bumps up her caloric intake to 6,000 calories a day. During her experiment, she travels to America to see how we ga

photo credit: YahooTV You know the season finale of "The Biggest Loser" is fastly approaching when former contestants come out and disparage the show's reputation. Former contestant Kai Hibbard spoke to the New York Post about her experience on the show. She states that the contestants on the show hardly ate. They were only eating foods that were being sponsored by the show (Jennie O, Larabars anyone?). They worked out 6 to 8 hours a day, and were pushed excessively through the program. Hibbard also states that the trainers had a sick and sadistic side to them. They "took pleasure" in watching contestants fail to meet their goals. Hibbard suffered severe symptoms because of her experience on the show. She states that her hair has been falling out and her period has stopped. She only sleeps three hours a night and she was diagnosed with thyroid issues.  On the show, she was told that she needed to be as thin as possible or else she would be worthless.

photo credit: memecenter Just when you thought you had seen it all, the Vajankle graces us with its presence (pic below). The Vajankle is exactly what you think it might be: a foot with a vagina. This life-like replica of a dismembered human foot has a realistic looking vagina that goes all the way down into the ankle. The foot has perfectly pedicured toes and a smooth surface. Sin Boutique is an adult website that happens to sell this, uhhmm, sex toy. They had this to say about the newest addition to the marital aid family: "These quirky feet have a vagina built right in at the ankle! The vajankle is in the left foot only. You can order the vajankle independently, or as a pair with the standard right foot." photo credit: Jezebel My two cents: Now, I understand that some men have foot fetishes, but I have to hope that a Vajankle would be taking things too far (even for them). I mean, why would anyone buy a replica of a dismembered foot and f*ck it? Even mo

photo credit: aceshowbiz I know I'm a little late to the anti-Naya Rivera party, but I was busy taking a shower. Yeah, since us white folk seem to shower a lot, you know? *sarcasm* Anyways, for those who haven't heard about this whole "foot in mouth" disease that Ms. Rivera has going on, well, she made a remark that has everyone in a massive sh*t storm. Naya Rivera was a guest co-host on "The View" recently. The moderator on the show, Nicolle Wallace, mentioned that she showers about three times a day. Naya Rivera chimed in, saying: " I think that white people shower a lot more than ethnic. I feel like showering more than once a day or every day is such a white people thing. " Of course, the audience was stunned. Rivera did not back down from the standstill, however. She continued her little pearls of wisdom: "My mom is half black, half Puerto Rican. She showers every day, so I can say this ( apparently she's allowing herse

photo credit: Jezebel For some time now, I been seeing reports about Justin Bieber's "package." People are speculating that the Calvin Klein photos that were recently published were altered to make him look more endowed than he is. The folks over at Camp Bieber state that the photos were not re-touched and that the proportions are accurate. All of this mess has everyone up in a tizzy. I am writing this blog as an SOS...PLEASE MAKE THE MADNESS STOP! What does it matter? He is so unliked, his own country does not want him back! Justin Bieber is a funny little fellow. I'm not familiar with his music, I'm mainly familiar with what I read in the news. What I have learned of this particular breed is that he is a 20 year old trapped inside the body of some half-boy/half-man hybrid. The parts fit together against some strange ink blots that are scattered all over his surface. This is all I know of one Justin Bieber. As for his man parts, I just want to know if th

photo credit: Beshine's reddit (warning: photos on her reddit are NSFW) Ladies, if you ever thought your ta-ta's were too big, you have not met Beshine. Ladies and gentle-dudes: meet Beshine, a 30-something German woman who wears a 32Z bra. Each one of her breasts weighs 20 pounds. She holds the record of having the world's largest surgically-enhanced breasts. Beshine, also known as Mayra Hills, posts photos of her ta-tas and daily errands all day long and even does private cam shows. Beshine has received comments in regards to her health, but she ignores those comments. Actually, the woman is hoping to go even bigger! She already has a doctors seal of approval to increase her breasts from 10,000cc implants to 50,000cc implants. Last year, she suffered a "slight" wardrobe malfunction. She broke through her 3 bras while in a Zumba class. My Two Cents: I'm absolutely amazed that a woman with that tiny of a body (her measurements are 59-28-36) can

photo credit: Elizabeth Hoard We all look forward to the day when we can commit ourselves, in holy matrimony, to the one we love. However, when you're left at the alter, your hopes and dreams of a long future with your love are shattered, and you are left completely broken. Not only are you left feeling betrayed, you are also left with the reprecussions of canceling a wedding at the last minute. It is a daunting time. Shelby Swink was in said situation. photo credit: Elizabeth Hoard Her dream wedding was set to happen on November 1. Five days before the wedding, her husband-to-be got cold feet, decided he didn't love her anymore, and dumped her. She had to cancel everything. She was also stuck with a wedding dress that she could not return to the store (do to the fact that it was altered to fit her). Her friends and family rallied to support her and a few people brought up the idea to trash the wedding dress. Even though ruining the wedding dress would upset her m

photo credit: Jezebel Fox is at it again ladies, giving us women advice on how to land (and keep) a husband (since all we are good for is being a man's slave). On a recent Fox and Friends, a book called: "Single Man, Married Man" was showcased. The book attempts to help women keep their man's interest, since it takes a lot to "hold a man's attention" (I'm pretty sure breasts do a good job at keeping a man interested). Anyways, the folks over at Fox decided to read a few of the recommendations on how to "float your guy's boat:" 1. "No matter where a woman is in her life, she should always be able to cater to her man's needs." Oh absolutely! Because all we are good for is catering to an overgrown man-child's needs. It's not like any of us work, have kids, have health problems and or responsibility. "Oh you want me to drop our 2 month old so I can get you a beer and slippers? Sure!" *rolls eyes*

photo credit: Off the Beat with Will Greenlee Before I dive into the story: Yes, this is a story straight out of Florida. Twenty-eight year old Casey Molter was arrested after he seriously dismantled his girlfriend's car. The reason he trashed her car was because of a "spiritual vision" she had. Molter describes his girlfriend as being someone who can tell a person about their dreams. Her latest vision is that Molter's dead granny would appear in his dreams and commit sexual acts which would include him being violated with a sex toy. Molter lost his sh*t and trashed the woman's car. He smashed her phone, slashed her tires, broke the side mirrors, filled the car with love notes, and topped the tantrum with a used condom. Police also found various creams and lotions in the car. They say that they are not sure if he targeted his girlfriend or the specific car model, which is a Nissan Altima. Molter was arrested for criminal mischief. My Two Cents: Whe