My name is Shauna Silva and I am...Two Months Sober Today!
2015 will go down in history as the hardest year of my life. My health got worse. My long-term relationship ended. I attempted suicide. I went back to self-harm. Perhaps the greatest decision that I ever made this year, was the one to enter dual-diagnosis treatment. On September 12, 2015, I made the decision to stop drinking, and seek help for my psychological issues.
At the time, I had no idea how much my life would change. I was extremely broken. I was shattered from my relationship ending, I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror anymore, and I didn't want to live.
Learning how to face my troubles head-on, and handle them in appropriate ways, has been revolutionary in my life. The right medication to treat my Bipolar disorder has been key in my continued sobriety.
For the longest time, I drank during times when I felt unsafe. Being around people that made me uncomfortable, and dealing with emotions I couldn't handle, those were times when I would drink the most. Alcohol was my medication. It numbed that part of me that I didn't want to acknowledge.
The dual-diagnosis program changed my life. Not only did I receive help for my alcohol abuse, I learned how to handle my emotions. The people in the program became my angels and my teachers.
I've been grieving the loss of my long-term relationship, and I have days when it is pretty difficult to process that it is over. Everything that I learned in treatment has helped me move forward in my grieving. Whenever it gets hard to process everything, I repeat to myself that it is "going to be okay."
My health has also been a battle. For the first time in my life, I am learning how to take care of myself and not be stubborn. I don't feel sorry for myself because I have a ton of health obstacles. When it gets harder to deal with my health issues, I dial it back and just take things one minute at a time. Meditation has also played an integral part in my recovery as well.
I have gone through a lot of changes in just two short months, but I know that I have more changes to come. Maintaining sobriety is 'one day at a time.' While I seldom crave alcohol, I use coping techniques to help redirect my thoughts.
Making it to the two months sober mark has been amazing. This is the longest I have ever gone without drinking since I was 14. I am damn proud of myself.
If you are struggling with drinking or doing drugs, I plead with you to seek treatment. I'm not going to promise roses and rainbows, but you will get to where I am. You just have to take things one step at a time. You need to embrace the process. There is no quick fix in sobriety and getting better. You do stumble and reach roadblocks. During these times, it is crucial that you work extra hard to pick yourself up and push those roadblocks down. You will notice people disappearing from your life. Yes, it hurts, and yes it sucks. Just let them go.
I lost my ex's family. His mother blocked me on social media, and the rest of them ostracized me. I let them go. I don't miss them one bit. I want people in my life who are kind and supportive. None of them were that to me. They were cruel and judgmental (to my face and behind my back).
Just let toxic people go. Your health and sobriety are too important.
I'm lucky and blessed to have family and friends who are incredibly supportive. My friend Desiree (and her partner John), are amongst the most supportive offline friends that I have. She helped me through so much and I am indebted to her. My online friends Lyn and Rich have been incredible as well. During times when I was unable to do any blogging, Rich shared my most recent posts, which helped my views increase.
I hope my story has helped inspire you to seek help. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.
Love and blessings,
Shauna
