Pregnancy: When you do NOT have the support of the baby's father.
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| Photo Credit: lucindatreatment |
This is an unfortunate reality that I find myself in. When I envisioned bringing kids into the world, I envisioned being married. I envisioned a happy, healthy, and drama-free household. Unfortunately, I find myself being pregnant and alone.
The man that I created this life with is someone I had an involvement with on and off for 12 years. I was in love with this man, and I thought he loved me. When I found out that I was pregnant, I told this man, and he, like me, was shocked. We made plans to get together and talk about the next step. When we got together to talk, he mentioned that I should have an abortion, and he used my back injury as an excuse to con me into making the abortion appointment. He also said that I should have been on the pill. I told him that I wasn't on the pill because I wasn't sexually active. He also asked me why I didn't get the plan B pill the next day. My reason was because I didn't think I could get pregnant.
After I had that conversation with him, I made the appointment with Planned Parenthood. I then cried for two days straight. I felt like a part of me was dying and the rest of me was dying with it. I was torn apart and I entered the worst levels of depression that I had ever been in. After crying for two days, I realized that I could not go through with this. I suddenly felt better. I decided to keep the baby. I cancelled the abortion appointment and told the baby's father that I was keeping the baby.
That was two weeks ago. I haven't heard from him since. I messaged him after my first prenatal visit and I didn't get a reply back. I was at my wit's end, so I messaged him yesterday and told him that after the baby is born, I want him to sign away his parental rights. In turn, I vowed that I wouldn't come after him for child support. I still haven't heard back from him, and I don't expect to.
I know I'm not alone in this. There are many women out there that find themselves in similar situations, and it sucks. You feel lonely, scared, and you question whether you can go through this as a single mother. I feel these emotions every minute of everyday.
At times like this, it is important to lean on the people who DO support you: friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, etc. Some people might tell you that the guy will come around. Single mother-to-be to single mother-to-be, prepare yourself for a life without the baby's father. If he disappears, he probably won't be back. Ladies, we are bringing life into this world. If we are strong enough to do this, we are strong enough to raise these children by ourselves.
One thing I will recommend: when the baby is born, don't badmouth the baby's father to the kid. I grew up in a household where both my mom and dad would badmouth each other in front of me. I was the rope in an insane tug-of-war battle and it was traumatizing. I have vowed that I will never badmouth my baby's father to the baby. The kid will ask questions about his or her father when it gets old enough. Only say nice things. I know, it's going to be hard, because all you have right now is bitter disdain for the man who abandoned you and your baby. Leave the disdain between you and your baby's father. Don't bring your baby into the mix. They had nothing to do with it. They are innocent in this.
