Britney Spears splits with cheating boyfriend (and my break-up survival guide)

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photo credit: designntrend

Those of you who are fans of Britney (and I know that some of you are), probably saw a strange video surface yesterday on her social media pages. In the video, Britney was talking about the shitty day that she was having. Well, the reason for her shitty day is now national news: her boyfriend (now ex), David Lucado, cheated on the singer with an unidentified woman at a club. The cheating happened to have been videotaped. Britney's father ended up showing Brit Brit the video.
In the video, Lucado was seen dancing and "canoodling" a club skank. Britney's father actually bought the video from whomever filmed it, showed it to her, and then hid the video. Papa Spears is determined to make sure this video does NOT leak.

In Britney's "shitty day" video, you can pretty much read "I been cheated on by a conniving cockstain" on her face. She had the same look I had when I was cheated on in my 20s. Seconds after she spoke about her "shitty day," she said that the only way to make a "shitty day" better is to befriend someone who has hearts on their shoes.
When I have a shitty day, I drink lots of wine. When I was cheated on in my 20s (which happened a lot because I didn't really have the self-esteem to choose better people to spend time with), I drank A LOT, cut my hair, got angry, and usually wished to become a vengeance demon like Anya from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." True story. I wanted to be just like Anya. That girl was able to help women get revenge on evil bastards who broke their heart. All they had to do is make a wish.

I'm not a huge fan of Britney's. I like some of her music, but I have to be in the mood to listen to it. However, when it comes to dudes cheating: "Girl, I got your back!"

My Break-Up Survival Guide
I don't have a good history in the romance department. Every guy I dated in my 20s cheated on me. Some of them were complete douche-nozzles. Others were just idiots. I had my heart ripped out of my chest, thrown on the floor, and danced on more times than I can count, so I pretty much have my break-up survival guide memorized. Even though I'm currently in a stable relationship, I refuse to forget where I was in my 20s. I was the token single girl. I was the one who would constantly call her friends crying because some dude broke my heart. Yeah. I was THAT girl.

Anyways.....

Here is what I recommend during those first few days after the end of a relationship (due to the asshole being a cheating prick):
  • Ice cream. Have a three-way with Ben, Jerry, and Haagan Daaz.
  • Booze. Hit up the liquor store. Buy Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, wine, and beer. No matter what I've dealt with, Jack and Jose have always had my back (except in the morning when I have a really bad hangover). 
  • Movies! Me having the track record that I have, I like to stock up on a lot of girl power movies. Ones where the girl doesn't take shit from guys. Here are some movies that I think will help you during your breakup:
    • The Smokers- this movie is about four girls who decide to get even with guys who have screwed them over. It's an awesome indie movie. 
    • Ghost World- I'm a huge Thora Birch fan, and she is a strong woman on and off screen. In this movie, she plays Enid, and Enid is one bad ass chick. 
    • Teeth- I know that if any guys are reading this, they are probably shuttering at the meer mention of that movie. Teeth is about a girl with vagina dentata (Vagina Teeth). The girl ends up getting raped by dudes, and of course her lady part has her back. If you're really pissed off at your boyfriend for cheating on you, WATCH THIS MOVIE and pretend that the dick being bit off is your (ex) boyfriend's. Warning: this movie is extremely graphic.
    • Buffy The Vampire Slayer (TV show)- Yes, I know it's not a movie, but, this show is chock full of girl power. Look the show up on Netflix and watch the Anya/Vengeance Demon episodes. They are guaranteed to make you feel good.
    • Itty Bitty Titty Committee- I put this one because it deals with a lot of girl power and radical feminism. It is a lesbian movie, but does that really matter? It shouldn't. This movie has a fucking amazing soundtrack, and those ladies are my heroes. 
    • All Ginger Snaps movies- I love the Ginger Snaps movies. The sisters are freaking awesome and bad ass.
  • Change number, block boyfriend on Facebook, burn photos- When you've been cheated on, you need to sever ties with the bastard who broke your heart. You need a clean slate. Change your phone number and don't give it to someone who will give it to him. Block him on social media sites. Burn all photos of him. Put items he's given you in a trash bag and put it on his steps, along with a bag of burning shit.  
  • Crying is okay. While many people say that you shouldn't waste your tears on someone who cheats on you, I think crying is healthy. It gets all that hurt out. 
  • Get together with friends. If I didn't have my friends after some asshole cheated on me, I would probably be a mess. When I was in college, I was dealing with some serious drama. My best friend at the time always knew how to cheer me up after my old college douchebag broke my heart: We'd go drinking. We'd talk shit about him behind his back. We'd walk around campus drunk as a skunk and then get back to my apartment and eat late night take out. You need your pals during the break up period. 
  • Don't get out there too soon. Many people say "In order to get over one person is to get under another person." If you're looking for true love, I'd say wait the amount of time you were together until you start dating again. You have to work on YOU. You have to be ready to be loved. The only way to be ready to be loved is to love yourself first.
    If you're wanting to get out sooner and 'play the field,' you can do that too. Just be careful. Emotions are high and you don't want to get attached to a scratching post (a hook-up). 
  • Do NOT take the cheating asshole back. That is weak and bad form. 
Britney and other women going through shitty break ups, you'll be okay. I suggest you listen to Britney's classic, "Stronger." Also, I recommend every Kelly Clarkson CD before her current one. I also recommend some awesome riot grrrl bands, like Bikini Kill, L7, and Seven Year Bitch. I also want to add: The Runaways, The Donnas, Bif Naked, and Joan Jett.




I just have to post this next thing. I feel it's appropriate:

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