Blurbal Perspective

2015 will go down in history as the hardest year of my life. My health got worse. My long-term relationship ended. I attempted suicide. I went back to self-harm. Perhaps the greatest decision that I ever made this year, was the one to enter dual-diagnosis treatment. On September 12, 2015, I made the decision to stop drinking, and seek help for my psychological issues. At the time, I had no idea how much my life would change. I was extremely broken. I was shattered from my relationship ending, I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror anymore, and I didn't want to live. Learning how to face my troubles head-on, and handle them in appropriate ways, has been revolutionary in my life. The right medication to treat my Bipolar disorder has been key in my continued sobriety. For the longest time, I drank during times when I felt unsafe. Being around people that made me uncomfortable, and dealing with emotions I couldn't handle, those were times when I would drink the ...

Today marks 1 month clean and sober for me! As I enter my fourth week of treatment, I couldn't be more prouder of all the work I have put in to my treatment and recovery. Sure, I do have the assistance of medication, but we all know that medication doesn't do jack without you being completely on board with your recovery. This weekend was a rough weekend for me. Friday and Saturday, I did experience cravings for alcohol (I did NOT drink). I was stressed out because I was running low on my bipolar medication, and I was stressing because I was in a lot of pain from my spinal condition. I decided Friday through Saturday night that I would just keep my activities stress-free. I ended up having a mental health day and kept myself calm. Boy, it was hard, but it was surprisingly effective. Sunday, as you can tell, I was hard at work with my blogging. I spent extra time in meditation, which helped slow down my thoughts and decrease my stress. It was a good day. That is one thing I wa...

Good evening everyone. It's been a crazy time lately, and the thing that I have been noticing is that I am feeling everything. With all the stress that I'm under with moving out of my boyfriend (I still call him my boyfriend because we aren't officially over. Right now, we are separated)'s house, back home, dealing with my spinal issues, dealing with the possibility of having Crohn's disease, having all these doctor appointments, and beginning treatment soon, I have become drained in every aspect of the word. Before, I would be drinking wine like water in order to numb the stress. Now that I'm becoming sober, I am feeling so much and it's overwhelming. Yesterday, I was dealing with so much that I swear my vision was going away. I ended up going to bed at 7:30pm. This morning, I woke up and my vision was fine. I'm pretty sure the blurred and faded vision was due to stress. This morning, I went to my boyfriend's house to get some of my stuff out. I...

Good day, readers! I have decided to start a series about receiving help for severe depression and alcohol dependency. As most of you know, I have been suffering from a painful spinal condition for nearly 3 years now. Since the pain started in 2013, I have noticed my mental state decline. This year, however, things have taken a turn for the worse. With my spine continuing to deteriorate, I have become more depressed. My neurosurgeon told me that I need to stop working until we find out what the problem is and fix it. In my personal life, my mental decline had taken its toll on my long-term relationship with the 'love of my life.' I decided to move back home to see if the distance may help both of us. Unfortunately, it hasn't. I discussed the two of us taking a break from one another and he agreed. We plan on getting together sometime next month so we can see where to go from there. While the separation was my idea, I haven't been taking it well. A few weeks ago, I cont...