Blurbal Perspective

In one of the most bizarre stories I've ever heard of: a woman who was on a flight to Edinbourgh went batshit crazy when her demands of cigarettes and a parachute were not met. Ms. Thang decided that now was the perfect time to take off the leg and start swinging. She started slapping passengers with the leg and throwing a temper tantrum when her demands weren't being met.  One passenger said that the woman kept shouting that she wanted cigarettes, and a parachute so she could jump out of the plane. The crew took the prosthetic leg away from her (she did manage to continue kicking passengers with her other leg) The plane did make an emergency landing and the woman was arrested. No word on whether or not she got her leg back. Before the flight, the unemployed 48 year old woman was pre-gaming her inner diva. She was drinking like a fish and acting half her age. It's important to add that when police came on board to arrest Ms. Thang, the entire crew sang the "Ho...

We all did some pretty stupid things when we were teenagers. Our parents played "Chicken," and we mimicked stunts from "Jackass," We thought we were so invicible. How naive we were! Now OUR teenagers are playing a rather dangerous game of "Fire Challenge." "Fire Challenge" has been sweeping the nation. What happens is, teenagers pour alcohol on themselves, and set themselves on fire. One teen decided to film the stunt. He poured alcohol all over himself, lit a match, and he went up in flames. The teen said that once he was engulfed the pain was "unbearable." *duh!* Once paramedics arrived and put out the fire, he was already blistering. He had burns on his stomach area. Teens who film the "Fire Challenge" only film the alcohol being poured and the match being lit. There are a bunch of the videos all over Youtube. You know, I get that teenagers think they are invincible and nothing bad can ever happen to them. I hate...

 Bachmann's idiocy strikes again! She never ceases to amaze me. Michele Bachmann continues to spew her venom. This time, she has decided to blame the government for the increase in "undocumented children" that are a part of the system. She believes that the government wants to experiment on "illegal" children. Take a look at what this woman had to say during an interview with Right Wing Watch blog on Wednesday afternoon: " And now President Obama is trying to bring all those foreign nationals, the illegal aliens to the country, and he has said that he will put them in the foster care system. I will tell you from personal experience, we don’t have enough foster parents now in the country for the kids in America. We certainly don’t have enough foster parents for all of the illegal aliens that the president is trying to bring in right now. " Aliens. She called innocent children aliens. Really?! She then goes on to say that hospitals could g...

Come Valentine's day 2015, "Fifty Shades of Grey" will have a little competition at the box office. Christian filmmakers have decided to make a faith-based knock-off of the bestselling book-turned-movie. "Old-Fashioned" is being released by the same production company (Freestyle Releasing) that brought us "God's Not Dead," which came out this year. Rik Swartzwelder will be writing, directing, and starring in "Old Fashioned." Here's what the man had to say about his upcoming faith-based movie: " I wanted to tell a love story that takes the idea of Godly romance seriously, a story that, without apology, explores the possibility of a higher standard in relationships; yet, is also fully aware of just how fragile we all are and doesn’t seek to heap guilt upon those of us that have made mistakes. ” The movie will be about a former frat boy (played by Swartzwelder) and a free-spirited woman (played by Elizabeth Ann Roberts)....

It's a modern day Goldilocks story, except Goldilocks is a very confused dude with a jones for sprite and sleeping in the buff. A man from Albuquerque, New Mexico was arrested over this past weekend after police found him in a couple's master bedroom sound asleep.  30 year old Freddy Shelby broke into the couple's home through the window. He went to the refrigerator, and cracked open a refreshing can of sprite. After quenching his thirst, he went up to the master bedroom, stripped naked, and fell asleep in bed. The owners of the house came home and found Mr. Goldilocks...ermm..Shelby's naked ass in their bed.  When the cops arrived, they tried to wake the intruder, but he wouldn't get up. The cops grabbed the blankets off of "sleeping beauty," which seemed to do the trick. When cops questioned Shelby, he told them that he thought he was at his girlfriend's house.  Of course Shelby was arrested and charged with breaking and entering.  -----...

So, a Priest in Poland is in a bit of a pickle. He has been receiving rather threatening texts after he tried to perform an exorcism on a possessed teenage girl. Satan is all pissed and shit because this Priest is moving in on his woman, so he got a hold of the Priest's phone number and is now stalking his ass. Father Marian Rajchel shared some of the texts with the Austrian Times (and that Satan is one crazy bitch): "She will not come out of this hell. She's mine. Anyone who prays for her will die. Shut up, preacher! You cannot save yourself. Idiot. You pathetic old preacher." In case you were wondering, the Priest was unable to exorcise the demon from the teen girl. If the Priest happens to read this blog, I can recommend Mr. Number. It's a call blocking app that I use to avoid people that are selling me shit. Man, and I thought Bible-thumpers were bad... [photo credit: www.pakalertpress.com ]

I'm not sure if any of you have seen this show, but channel FYI has this new show called "Married at First Sight." Relationship experts paired up 6 young singles with people who experts believe are their "ideal match." The 6 individuals don't get to meet their "ideal match" until their wedding day. The pairs say 'I do' and go on their honeymoon. Two of the couples end up getting "close" during the honeymoon, the other couple ends up taking it slow. After the honeymoon, the couples come home and find a place to live. The experiment lasts about 6 weeks, then the couples sit with the experts and determine whether or not they will stay married or get a divorce. Let's get to know the couples: -The first couple, Monet Bell and Vaughn Copeland, have a lot of sexual chemistry. However, they lack communication. When ever they do communicate, they argue. I don't see this couple staying together when the experiment ends...

This morning, music shoppers may have noticed something strange on the shelves of their favorite music stores: a new N'Sync album. But...how can this be? The group disbanded (temporarily) in 2002. How is it possible for this group to drop an album if they haven't been recording together? Well, Sony Legacy decided to be a sneaky bugger and release a 2 disc compilation of N'Sync's biggest hits. One disc has all of the group's biggest hits. The other disc has some rarely heard songs, such as "Selfish." There is also one song on the 2nd CD that had been featured on an episode of "Sesame Street." No one in the group knew about the release. There IS speculation, however, that Lance Bass may have known about this gift from the boy band gods. Lance Bass denies these claims, saying that he didn't know about it, and that he had found out about the album release on Twitter: " Our label didn't even tell us. None of us, none of us knew...

Twenty-five year old "Princess" Marks was arrested last Friday and charged with child desertion. Police found her children (a 5 year old and a 7 year old) alone in a car at Walmart at around 12:40am. The car engine was off and the windows were rolled down. Police told reporters that when they approached the children, they were crying hysterically. About 15 minutes later, Marks showed up. Marks told police that she left her kids to meet up with her boyfriend so she could go 'down on him.' The cops brought her to the station and she was released on $5000 bond the next day. Relatives have custody of her children. ---------------- I hear a lot of these stories about idiot "parents" who leave their children in hot cars to go and get their nails done, or go on job interviews, or whatever. Never once have I heard about a woman leaving her children in a car to go have oral sex with her boyfriend. Sure, this didn't take place during the hottest time of...

She's baack!  It's been six whole years since Hilary Duff has made any music, but the wait is finally over . The 26 year old just unveiled her newest video, 'Chasing the Sun.' The song was co-written by fellow singer Colbie Caillat. In 'Chasing the Sun,' Duff plays an overworked office worker, who daydreams about being at the beach with her co-workers. She daydreams about frolicking on the shore with a very sexy shirtless man (don't we all ladies) that she sees in a magazine. She makes the mistake of playing out her daydream by splashing water on her co-workers while in meetings. Eventually, Ms. Duff is fired, which frees up her time to go to the beach and find herself a shirtless sex God to frolic with. This video reminded me so much of Sheryl Crow's 'Soak Up the Sun' from 2002. I used to have that song on repeat the summer it came out. That song was my jam! Hell, everything that woman put out was pure gold. I'm not a hug...

At long last, Martha Stewart (a woman who has made a living teaching the masses how to better their lifestyles) has finally weighed in on the train wreck that is Blake Lively's career move to become a lifestyle guru. Blake Lively's site, "Preserve" was recently unveiled and it hasn't exactly been getting a warm welcome. People have been calling the site "pretentious" and with good reason. The site reads like the inner workings of a cult leader's brain than of the workings of someone who actually wants to help people. Also, the site sounds like it's geared toward those who can afford to wipe their ass with $100 bills than with Charmin toilet paper. Ms. Stewart , who happens to be friends with Blake Lively, was at the Atlantic Food and Wine festival when she was asked about her friend's career move. Here's what she had to say: " Let her try. I don't mean that facetiously! I mean, it's stupid, she could be an actress! Why...

Well, according to news that came out last week, we did. In 2012, a major solar flare erupted that could have knocked modern civilization all the way back to the 18th century. Basically we would have been living like the Amish, but worse. The eruption took place on July 23, 2012, and if the eruption had happened one week prior, we would have been in BIG TROUBLE! Of course, the government and the media hid all of this from us, and decided to tell everyone two years later. Had the solar flare erupted one week prior to July 23rd and impacted Earth, all of our modern technology (computers, phones, electricity, cars, planes, everything) would no longer work. People would probably die. We would have no idea how to handle our daily lives. I'm pretty sure the Amish would laugh their asses off at us. I'm slightly peeved that the government didn't say anything about this in 2012. If we were that close to a catastrophic solar storm, I think I would have liked to know. I do...

Despite the fact that Jenny McCarthy has rather questionable parenting skills (i.e. her anti-vaccine opinions), she seems to be doing something right: Her 12 year old son, Evan likes to follow the rules. This is both a good and bad thing, depending on who you ask. During a recent interview , McCarthy brought up the fact that her son once called the cops on her for texting while driving. McCarthy said that she always texts and drives, and doesn't have a problem doing so. She did, however, have a problem with her son calling 911 to report her, so she ended up throwing her son's phone out of the car window. She threw the phone out of the window to avoid a run-in with the cops. --------------------- As someone who is among the millions of people who commute on a daily basis, I thank her son for reporting her. Something needs to be done about these idiots who text and drive. I see these morons on a constant basis and they are the ones who cause the most accidents. What will...

Yesterday, Queen Bee of the internet, Jezebel , posted a story about an elderly woman who is now being called "Twerking Grandma." She is a woman who is shakin' what her momma gave her on top of a red car. She has pulled up her flowing black dress, exposing her red underwear (which happens to match the car), and doing a better job at twerking than Miley Cyrus. Vine member, Brittany Lynn Turner was the woman who shared this video with the world, which has gone viral and captivated the world. As of right now, the video has been shared over 350,000 times! When I first saw this short video, I was a little shocked. Then I found myself cheering her on! Turner has two more videos of her. One where she is dancing in the house, wearing a red dress. And another driving a motor cart through a grocery store. I know some of you are going to be thinking, "Oh my God, Shauna, why the fuck are you posting this shit? I don't want to see some old lady twerking!" ...

Over the weekend, the Biebs was seen at Disneyland being pushed in a wheelchair. Fans gathered around to get their picture taken with Bieber. One fan even caught the rollin' Biebs on camera. Reasons are not being given as to why Bieber was at Disneyland. Media outlets are speculating that Bieber was using the wheelchair to cut through the long lines. Biebs reps, however, told TMZ that he had injured his knee playing basketball (I had looked on Twitter for confirmation and could not find any information regarding his injury). Despite his "debilitating knee injury," Justin Bieber was well enough to throw a very large party after his Disney adventure. ------------------------- We all hate waiting in long lines. Whether it is at Disneyland, the amusement park, the bathroom, the DMV, or the grocery store, waiting in line is a part of our everyday lives. If Justin Bieber used a wheelchair in order to cut through lines (which I believe he did), he is a rude fucktard...

Uh, yeah...you read that right.  A 38 year old woman in Scotland now holds the world record for having a sex toy in her vagina for longer than any other woman on earth. Ten years ago, the woman had a drunken sex romp with her partner, and she happened to have used a sex toy during one of their "sessions." Because she was so drunk, she couldn't remember whether or not she removed the sex toy from her vagina. Fast forward 10 years later, and the woman is dealing with some rather odd symptoms: She is losing weight. She is incontinent, and she is lethargic. She goes to several doctors, and then to a surgeon. A surgeon removed a FIVE INCH sex toy from her vagina. In all seriousness, having the toy in her vagina for that long DID cause her to suffer life-threatening issues. She developed a condition called "Vesicovaginal Fistula (passage that allows urine to go into the vagina)" She also developed another life-threatening condition called "Obstructive U...

College is supposed to be the best four years of your life. However, for 1 in 4 college women, the college years can be the worst nightmare imaginable. Sexual assault and rape has been in the news a lot lately, and in my state, something unfortunate has happened. The University of Connecticut just gave 5 rape victims 1.3 million dollars as a settlement. In return, UCONN is not going to admit wrongdoing, and the 5 victims will not speak of the matter going forward. Last year, the 5 college women filed the lawsuit against UCONN after the school failed to protected them against their rapes and sexual harassment. Erica Daniels and Rosemary Richi stated that the school failed to look at evidence that they presented in their individual rape cases. Carolyn Luby wrote an essay on rape culture (within the athletic programs) and was harassed and stalked by the male population. Kylie Angell's rapist was punished and expelled, but the school allowed him to re-enroll two weeks after th...

 Looking at that title, you're probably saying to yourself....what?! Apparently, women in this age group are relatively concerned about how their lady-parts look. Because of what men see in porn flicks, and what society believes is the "perfect vagina," women are now flocking to plastic surgeons and asking for labia reconstruction surgery. "The National Student" reports that among 18-24 year olds, "Transform" averaged 1,150 labia reconstruction surgery requests last year. This was more than any other age group. ------------------------------- Now, I understand that some women want to live up to the unrealistic standards of beauty in order to please their man, but, designing your vagina to look like their favorite porn star's vagina is going a little bit overboard. Of course, if you are not a fan of how your labia looks, and you want to change it because of your own reasons , by all means, go for it. But, don't conform to society...

Pretty much everyone has a Facebook these days. You, your siblings, your friends, spouse, significant other, cousin, parent, grandparent, pet, etc. You share pictures and status updates. You can 'like' pages, like and comment on funny memes, and share them with your friends. It's all pretty innocent, right? Well, not exactly. There are some pages that are on Facebook that are just like the "burn book" from "Mean Girls," except, it bashes those who are overweight. The 530 Fatties page was recently in the news after a young woman in Sacramento, CA found an old picture of herself on the page. The picture was from when she was 50 pounds heavier and the pigs who were members of the page were making fun of her. See, what the assholes of the page do is that they go around taking pictures of anyone in the Sacramento area they feel is overweight/obese, put it on their page, and flame them. What 18 year old Jessi Lynn Howell did is call them out on it. Ho...

A lot of engaged couples want to choose a wedding day that has some sort of significance, they all want that lucky day. There was quite a scramble for couples to marry on 7/7/07 (in fact, a dear friend of mine married her husband on that day). Looks like 12/13/14 will be no different. In what looks to be a wedding clusterfuck, tens of thousands of couples are currently scrambling to reserve the best that Churches and reception halls have to offer before time runs out (check the calender, folks. T-minus 5 months and counting for all you engaged folks). One of the engaged couples that chose 12/13/14 as the "big day" was interviewed, and explained why they chose that day : " I wanted to have a cool wedding date. I always wanted a winter wedding, so I originally picked Dec. 6. But that wasn't cool, and when I found out that 12/13/14 fell on a Saturday, I knew I had to pick it. We started planning as soon as we got engaged last September. " *yawn* ------...

Oh brother! Kanye West graces the cover of GQ's August issue and gives the magazine a rather interesting interview on how we can be just as " cool " as his wife Kim K. He also gives us information about his life and how he is perceived in the media. The interview starts off with the subject of their wedding photo. He talks about how the picture got 2.3 million likes (on Instagram), and it's all because of Kim. He added that if it were any other picture (family, friends, etc), it wouldn't have gotten as many likes on Instagram. He talks about the ambiance of the picture and how it has so much cultural significance. *eye roll* He brags about how he brought all the creative class systems (music, reality TV, fashion, etc) together to one event. Then Kanye begins to make some dinosaur reference from the movie "Stepbrothers:" "Never lose your dinosaur." He said that even as he grew in cultural awareness, respect, and was put in a higher cla...

Those whom have been sexually active for quite some time have probably encountered a "bad apple" in the sack. A man or a woman who didn't quite 'do it for us'. We lay there unfulfilled, as our partner jets off to dreamland after reaming us, and we wonder if we should finish ourselves off or just make a run for it. We would never shoot our lover over a bad lay, right? Well, a woman in Michigan was so appalled by her bad lays, that she shot her lover! Fifty-eight year old Sadie Bell shot her lover in the stomach last year, because he did not produce enough semen. When he wasn't producing the amount she felt was satisfactory, she theorized that he was cheating on her, so, she shot him in the stomach. When questioned by the police, Bell went into detail about the type of woman she is: she is a cheap date. She really likes sex (don't we all), she expected her man to perform his sexual duties to her liking. When he didn't, she got "pissed off...

Here's another one to add to the "dumbest criminals" pile: A 27 year old woman in Illinois stole a dress, put it on when she got home, took a selfie with her bestie, posted it on Facebook, made it her profile picture, and didn't think she was going to get caught. Well, she thought wrong. The people at the store she ripped off weren't stupid. They were tracking Danielle Saxton's every move. The store she stole the dress from is called Mortie's Boutiques. The store has video surveillance and also tracks suspected theft on social media, including Facebook. They had suspected Saxton when they first saw her. Not even 2 hours after Saxton had left the store, Saxton had posted the selfie on Facebook and made it her Facebook profile picture. The boutique saw the photo and notified the police. When the police arrived at the house, not only did they find Saxton in the stolen dress, they found several articles of clothes that she had also stolen from the boutiq...

Straight out of the Bibble dribble belt, we have a story of a woman who used a baby stroller in an attempt to steal a vibrator from a "Spencer's Gifts" store. Misty Ann Lee , of South Carolina, picked up the vibrator and slid it behind the child in the baby stroller, and proceeded to leave the store. The manager confronted her, but Lee had no idea what the manager was talking about. The vibrator was retrieved by the manager. The woman was taken into custody and charged with shoplifting. --------------------------------- I spent 6 years of my life as a whore to the retail gods. I've seen people use all kinds of methods to steal from stores. I've seen people put things in areas that I never thought existed. I've also seen people who were brazen enough to lift items in front of our face and run (yes they were caught)! People are relentless. And these are desperate times. Stealing a vibrator from one of the most scandalous and most popular mall stores is ...

Jason Biggs may be everyone's favorite funnyman actor, but, in real life, he seems to have a real sarcastic sense of humor, and that's putting it nicely, according to some. Hours after news broke about Malaysia Flight 17 being shot down and crashing in the Russian/Ukraine area, leaving 295 people dead, Jason Biggs tweeted the following: Of course, people felt like it was way too soon for someone to be making jokes, especially since this was not the airline's fault. Neither was Flight 370, which went missing 3 months ago. Biggs received A TON of outrage from fans and Biggs fired back. Here are a few of the things that he said to his (former) fans:   Maybe Biggs has a sarcastic sense of humor. Perhaps, he uses humor as a defense mechanism when the world gets scary. However, not everyone does. I understand that Biggs doesn't really care that he's offended people, but, some of the people he may have offended could have been family members or friend...

In serious news, singer/actress Vanessa Williams revealed that she was molested at age 10 by an older teen, an 18 year old female. Williams told Oprah what had taken place, and the experience she went through is absolutely heart-breaking. Williams said that the 18 year old had come into her room, took off Williams' bottoms off, told her to be quiet, and the 18 year old 'went down' on her. 10 year old Williams knew that this was something that wasn't supposed to be happening, and she wasn't sure what to do about it after the incident took place. She wanted to tell her family, but a death in the family had made her suppress what had happened to her. Williams believes that the molestation had made her sexually curious at a much younger age, and it may have caused her to become promiscuous. ---------------------- Despite the taboo nature of this molestation, it, unfortunately, isn't uncommon. On Jezebel, many young women, including myself, shared stories of...

 I'm sure we've all seen the internet memes of cartoon people burning down houses after seeing a spider lurking in a corner. We laugh and share these funny cartoons with our friends and go about our day. Well, one guy in West Seattle, Washington noticed a nasty looking spider in his laundry room on a Tuesday night. The man wasn't going to allow this arachnid to move another step, or breathe another breath. This dude grabbed a lighter, a can of spray paint, and torched the little shit. Apparently, the man didn't think this one through, because he set fire to his wall, and before he knew it, the entire house was engulfed in flames. Here's the kicker, the house was a rental. There were $60,000 in damages ($20,000 to repair/replace the items in the house, and another $40,000 to repair the rental building). The man had roommates and the Red Cross is hooking the roommates up with housing while everything is getting situated. Unfortunately, the spider's remain...

Good friggin' times! Charlie Sheen still knows how to party , and he proved it recently. After a night of partying and drinking, he did what any other drunken hungry person would do: he went to Taco Bell for some late night grub! While in the drive thru, Mr. Sheen got out of his car, much to the dismay of his driver, and went to the car behind him and said hello to the folks inside. The people inside happened to be fans of Charlie Sheen. The whole meet and greet was caught on camera. Charlie Sheen told the folks that he was "hammered" and the fans asked to see his tattoos. The two fans said that they loved his tattoos, and Charlie seemed happy about that. Charlie made his way back to his car, got his food, and then the video ended. The video reminded me of my twenties when many of my college peers, including myself, would do a lot of heavy drinking after a day of classes/work, and then go to a diner for some late night food. As far as Taco Bell is concerned, we d...

 So many things SERIOUSLY wrong with this, I don't know where to start. Well, I guess the beginning is a good enough place. A woman by the name of Joanie Faircloth posted on xoJane that the Bright Eyes frontman had raped her when she was a teenager. She came forward about the rape on several different websites, and was quite verbal about it for several months. Now , she is recanting her statement, saying that she lied in order to "get attention." In her statement, she said that she was going through a "difficult time" and that her son had been ill. She apologized to everyone that she hurt, especially Conor Oberst. Oberst did file a suit against Faircloth, demanding that she recant her rape claim. He said that her fabrication was an "insult to the millions of rape victims around the world." ------ This woman disgusts me, and I agree with Conor Oberst. She IS an insult to the millions of rape victims around the world. You have to be out of yo...

If this had happened up north, the bride would sue if the genitalia wasn't attractive or long enough. Since this happened in the Bible belt (South Carolina, to be exact), the simple fact that a pork and beans was shown, it's grounds enough for a lawsuit. Picture this: You're at a beautiful wedding at a Doubletree hotel chain. The beautiful bride and the dashing groom are about to become man and wife. The wedding guests are in happy tears, watching the two youngsters dedicate their lives together, in front of God.  *sigh* Suddenly, a naked man appears! He presses his full frontal meat against the glass and waves at the wedding party and guests. The bride and groom are horrified at the sight! The guests are taken aback! Naked man is just...well...naked! Fully pressed on the glass, dick and balls for all to see! *perhaps he was contributing the "something blue?"* Well, the picture I painted above is exactly what happened to Anna Rodgers Murphy of South...