Blurbal Perspective

Before I begin.... When I read this story, I physically pushed my laptop away from me and facepalmed. I never thought humanity could sink any lower than we already are. Anyways, onto the story: Apparently, a designer has invented a special way we can mourn the loss of a significant other/spouse: put their ashes in a dildo and get on the road to funkytown. Mark Sturkenboom designed the "Memory Box," which contains the following: A dildo An iPhone slot so you can listen to tunes while you pleasure yourself with the ashes of your dead spouse. A bronze key that one can wear as a necklace A scent diffuser that will keep the whole "Memory Box" "fresh." My Two Cents: Folks, this is precisely why aliens won't talk to us. I have heard a lot of depraved things in my lifetime, but this just entered my 'most depraved thing I've ever heard' list at number 2. I understand that losing a spouse or a significant other is one of the mos...

photo credit: TheDailyWhat I don't know about you, but every time I hear a dude gush about Hooters, I secretly wish that we had a place we could go where we could drool over scantily clad men serving us drinks and chicken wings. Well ladies, we're in luck! Dallas, Texas will be home to Tallywackers , a restaurannt that will feature sexy men showing off their ASSests, abs, pecs, and bulges. If you are wondering what tallywackers means (I know I was), it is another word for penis, or "my gargantious third member (according to Urban Dictionary)." Head of marketing, Winston T. Lackey spoke to Central track about the new addition to the meat market family: "Our main goal with Tallywackers is to create a fun and entertaining environment for anyone to enjoy. That said, we understand that there will be some people who are uncomfortable here, just as there are women who are uncomfortable at Hooters.” Fellas, if you have what it takes to make us women scream w...

photo credit: Pinterest You ever been so into what you are eating, that you lose all sense of posture and completely double over into your grub? If you answered 'yes,' then you have something in common with this adorbs pooch. ......The struggle is real, folks.

photo credit: officialpsds It's been a while since I have graced this blog with my prescence. There is a reason why. I have been taken over by a demonic sinus infection and been under the influence of antibiotics. The last time I was this sick was in 2011 when I was coughing up a lung and lost my voice for 3 weeks. I did lose my voice a little bit this time around, but it came back in full force after I began taking antibiotics and Mucinex-DM. Also, god decided that last week was a good week to have me go on interviews for day jobs. On Thursday, I went on an interview which turned out to be a total bust (it's commission-based and you need to pay in order to become certified in being a sales agent). I only went to the interview because they said they had a sales management position opened (40-hour work week, and benefits). Come to find out, no such position existed. They did call me back for a second interview, which I thought was pretty funny, given the fact that I was c...

photo credit: Tumblr Don't have a cow everyone.....the Tanners are back! For years, fans who grew up watching "Full House" have been left with unanswered questions as to what happened to DJ Tanner, Kimmy Gibbler, Stephanie Tanner, and the rest. Well, these questions will be officially answered ! John Stamos (uncle Jesse) made the announcement last night while on Jimmy Kimmel. Netflix has ordered 13 episodes, which will premiere in 2016. The show will center around DJ Tanner-Fuller (Candace Cameron-Bure), a veterinarian who is recently widowed. She is raising two kids (two teen boys), with a third on the way. Stephanie Tanner (Jodie Sweetin), lives with her older sister, and is an aspiring musician. Kimmy Gibbler (Andrea Barber), will be on hand, raising her rebellious teen daughter by herself. Stamos is set to appear on the show, and be its executive producer. The Olsen twins, Lori Loughlin, Dave Coulier, and Bob Saget are still in talks to appear. The show wi...

photo credit: rare Beau is a cute little babbie who is just chillin' on his floor mat. Along comes Tucker, the hyperactive Corgi who is always down for a good time . Tucker tries many times to get Beau to play with him. Unfortunately for the Corgi, Beau just wants to babble and be all cute.

photo credit: weinterrupt A dude in Kentucky was arrested after police say that he rode a horse while intoxicated. 40 year old Michael Kimmel told police that he "didn't do sh*t," and that he was just riding his horse. Police arrived at the scene when people complained about the drunk rider. The police released the following report: "The arrest report, filed by Trooper J. Gabbard, says [Kimmel] was ordered to stop, but instead he ran down an embankment, fleeing on foot, wearing only a brown hat, jeans, and boots. During the search for the suspect, police say the found his clothing on the back porch of his own house." Police caught up with Mr. Kimmel and arrested him. He is, however, on probation for a burglary charge. Now he faces DUI charges and evading police. photo credit: HuffPost Now, how is he going to explain this to his cellmates? Breaking probation to evade police by drunk riding a horse. Wow. Just, wow. My Two Cents: I totally und...

photo credit: Jon Favreau Oh Gwyneth...you never cease to amaze me. Ms. Paltrow decided to break her food stamp challenge and indulge in an $80 fancy dinner with celebrity friend, PCU's Jon Favreau. Recently, Gwynnie took on the Food Stamp challenge by aiming to live on $29 a week. She even shared a photo of what she would buy with her food stamps (including 7 limes). I guess it was too much for her to deal with, so she decided to make a mockery of the SNAP program and go back to her multi-million dollar lifestyle. Little did she know that nothing a celebrity ever does is on the down-low. Mr. Favreau shared a photo of the two of them while in attendence at the Austin Midnight Dinner. My Two Cents: Deep down, I had a feeling that she was only doing the SNAP challenge symbolically. I knew she wasn't serious about raising awareness about the Food Stamp cuts that are ruining the lives of many low-income families across this great land of ours. You cannot take the...

photo credit: emcblue From Back Door Teen Mom to the stripper pole, Farrah Abraham has become a Jill of all trades (author, chef, singer, etc). Now, she wants to become something that she has "extensive" knowledge of: a Plastic Surgeon . Farrah Abraham did an interview with Gossip Cop, and gushed about her career aspirations:     “From seeing the best and the worst in the industry and experiencing it as well, it has me wanting to pursue and achieve the best in education to help men and women from trauma scenarios to reconstructive and aesthetic surgeries.     It is incredible how important doctors our to our society and how they help individuals live up to their full potential in life. I hope to inspire and help others fulfill their best selves as I do my best to become the top doctor in the nation in my future.” Uhmm, okay... My Two Cents: I think it's great that she wants to become a plastic surgeon. However, I question her ability to co...

photo credit: addfunny We've all heard the saying: "It's like taking candy from a baby." Nothing can be more cruel than stealing ANYTHING from a baby. Unfortunately, this furball of a bunny did not get the memo. This lovable infant was just chillin' in his blue chair and matching hat, when a bunny shows up, gets all up in his grill, and steals the ritz cracker out of the baby's hands. The baby has no idea what the f*ck just happened. I know that bunnies are supposed to be adorable creatures, but this bunny is a total a**hole for stealing the baby's ritz cracker. Where's Elmer Fudd when you need him? Just a side note, I'm not an advocate for harming animals, but Elmer Fudd could just scare him a little. He doesn't have to shoot him, just give the furball a good talking to about a little thing called 'not being a d*ck.'. Then Fudd can give the bunny Bugs Bunny's number and Bugs could school the bunny in how to not pi...

photo credit: nigeriatell Those who live in NYC have probably seen Perino's ad for love. Recently, he sat down with a woman named Jena Friedman, and dished about his ideal woman. He told Friedman that he likes "petite women who are heavy chested." He seemed pretty adamant on that while he gulped down his canned beer. He doesn't want anyone over 37 years old, and he isn't against having unprotected sex with the women he dates.  What a f*cking catch! My Two Cents: Where do I begin, ladies.....Where do I begin? As I was watching the video of Friedman's interview, my already cynical judgment of his intentions turned to full-on repulsion and hate. All I could think is that he is a total d*uchebag. It's okay for men to go out on dates, but this guy actually beds just about every woman he dates (He's been on hundreds of dates in the past few months). He's admitted to having unprotected sex at least 3 times. My favorite part of this inte...

photo credit: Gawker Sixty-nine year old John Arthur Benedict was driving his white Crown Victoria car, when he started to tail an SUV that happened to be an unmarked police car . Benedict tried to pull over the car for speeding. Detective Lusk, who was driving the unmarked police SUV pulled into the right hand lane to stop for Benedict. As he was pulling over, he noticed that Benedict was not a police officer and continued to drive past Lusk. Detective Lusk followed Benedict into a supermarket parking lot. Lusk confronted Benedict and Benedict was arrested. "Officer" Bendict now faces 2 charges: impersonating a police officer and unlawful use of police insignia. Only in Florida.... My Two Cents: I gotta hand it to Benedict, he nearly succeeded in pulling a fast one on the detectives. Well played, sir. On the flipside, Benedict is still an a**hole for driving a car that looked like a cop car. I don't know about you, but I feel that those Crown Victoria cars a...

photo credit: influxwetrust Yesterday, Hillary Clinton announced that she is running for President of the United States. Clinton is hitting the road and putting economic issues at the forefront of her campaign. Clinton attempted a run at the Presidency back in 2008, but was unsuccessful. She lost voters to Barack Obama. This time around, Clinton has no competition in her way (except for the republi-c*nts, but who in their right mind would vote for the dillweeds that are running?). Barack Obama is throwing support Clinton's way, along with Elizabeth Warren. Both are saying that she would make a great President of the United States. Of course, she has a lot of naysayers in this country. Many are outraged by Benghazi and her email scandal. However, she does have a ton of support from the liberal community. We shall see how this race goes. If no other Democratic Candidate runs against her, we may be looking at the first female President come 2016. My Two Cents: I was a...

photo credit: Mashable Madonna has been a serious force of nature in entertainment for over 30 years. She proved last night that she is still as bad a** as she was when she first stepped onto the scene. Last night at Coachella, Madonna performed one of her biggest hits, "Human Nature." Degrassi alum turned rapper, Drake, was on hand as a man candy prop. Madonna approached Drake and planted a serious kiss on his lips. Not sure there was tongue involved, but the kiss caused Drake to react in a way that is absolutely priceless. Madonna exited the stage like nothing had happened. photo credit: uproxx It is speculated that Drake expected the kiss, just not one that involved the icon's tongue. Here is a clip of the kiss that nearly broke the internet:

photo credit: recstarz Whoa, Nelly's been a bad boy! "Hot in Herre" rapper, Nelly , was charged with felony possession of drugs, simple possession of weed, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Tennessee state troopers stopped Nelly's bus for failure to display DOT and IFTA stickers on the bus. When the bus stopped, troopers noticed the smell of weed coming from the bus's direction. Troopers searched the bus (with probable cause), and found 5 crystal rocks that tested positive for meth. Also found were small amounts of weed, and 100 small ziplock bags. A number of guns were also found on the bus. Nelly and 6 others were brought to Putnam County jail. No other information has been given on this story. Come on, Nelly...why you gotta turn to meth?! Meth will f*ck you up.

photo credit: back2stonewall Pastor Bert Farias , of Holy Fire Ministries, believes that gay people are not only possessed by "fart demons," their fart smell actually drives pigs to commit suicide.  (the f*ck!?) Not only that, he claims that gay people CHOOSE to be gay (typical conservative thinking), and they choose to participate in dirty demonic activities. After gay people become possessed, the odor of the possession drives pigs to off themselves. Farias continued his rant, saying that the increased acceptance of the gay community is a sign that society is in the last stage of decay. So, how did Farias get his information? He said that one of God's prophets called him up. “A genuine prophet of God told me that the Lord allowed him to smell this demon spirit, and he got sick to his stomach." Huh. My Two Cents: If we are living in the end times, it is because a**holes like Farias won't shut the f*ck up and disappear. First off, FART DEMONS?! ...

photo credit: fanpop If you pay attention to young love and television news, you may have heard about Dobrev's surprising departure from her hit show, "The Vampire Diaries." The news saddened TVD fans all around the world , but many are speculating that she is leaving the show because of her ex, Ian Somerhalder. As everyone knows, Somerhalder get engaged to Nikki Reed recently. Dobrev left a heartfelt note for her fans on Instagram, gushing about how much she loved her 6 season run on TVD. The "Degrassi" alum requested that fans celebrate her character, 'Elena's' life, and prepare to say goodbye to her. My Two Cents: While it hasn't been confirmed that she is leaving because of her ex, I can completely understand how awkward it can be having to see your ex everyday. When I was in college, I had a brief romance with a guy I was completely into. Unfortunately, my feelings were unrequited. For the next  3 years of my college years, I h...

photo credit: kimberlyhites The high priestess of GOOP is the latest celebrity to join in on the Food Bank NYC Challenge. To support the food bank, she went on food stamps for 7 days. The actress posted a photo of the items she bought with her $29 a week food stamps. These items include: Beans, onions, corn tortillas, green peas, garlic, and seven limes. Gwennie tweeted about the experience, saying: "We're walking in their shoes to see how far we get."' I'm sure the millions of families on food stamps are grateful for your contribution. My Two Cents: While I may not be on food stamps, I feel for the millions of families that rely on the government program in order to feed their children. What I have a problem with, are celebrity tw*twaffles like Paltrow, trying the program out like it is some experiment, in order to show that they can do it too. Of course they can do it. They can live in poverty for one week, and then go back to their cushy milli...

photo credit: inquisitr The 16 year old spawn of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith stepped out in a woman's black dress and paired it with jean shorts while in Calabasas, CA. He shared photos and tweeted his FU to society's fashion rules: "That Moment When Your Wearing A Dress With No Pants And You Swerve Way To Hard." The struggle is real, folks. My Two Cents: I'm all for giving the middle finger to today's gender fashion rules, but if dudes are going to rock dresses, at least pick ones out that are cute. Come on, Jaden. Get your sh*t together.

photo credit: vocativ Come again!? A farmer in small town Minnesota was flabbergasted when he noticed that some prize cow semen was stolen from an unlocked barn. The vials of semen are valued between $300 and $1500 each. The farmer, Daniel Weness, is unsure which day the specimens were stolen, but he suspects that the vials were stolen on Easter Sunday (Oh god). Apparently, there is a market for bull spunk. People can bid on spunk and inseminate their cows with it. Who knew?! My Two Cents: I've heard of people collecting stamps, coins, books, records, dolls, cars, and baseball cards. I understand that people will go to great lengths for prize cow spawn. There's great money in the farmer community for prize cow/bulls (I think). Call me old-fashioned, but, what ever happened to a cow and a bull going out to dinner and then conceiving a spawn?

photo credit: Gawker One of the most unsanitary places in the world happens to be the train. Scores of people take the train to get from point A to point B, making it the perfect breeding place for all kinds of nasties. Speaking of nasties, in Tokyo , a 40 year old man was arrested after semen was found an an 18 year old school girl's skirt. Turns out, he is linked to over 100 incidents of wiping semen on women, going as far back as 2011. Tetsuya Fukada admitted to rubbin one out on the train and wiping the evidence on females riding on the train. He told police that he gets excited when in close contact with women in a crowded area. In order to deal with his excitement, he cut holes in his jacket pockets, so he could do his business discreetly. He was charged with vandalism (he wasn't charged with being a pervy b*stard). My Two Cents: I don't know which is worse: the fact that it took police 4 years to arrest this a**hole, or the fact that after being arreste...

photo credit: GossipCop Baby Timberlake-Biel has finally arrived. Biel welcomed Silas Randall Timberlake, their reps confirmed to People Magazine. Timberlake and Biel had the worst kept secret for months. Timberlake, however, confirmed his wife's pregnancy on his birthday in January. He tweeted his happy news to his followers: “Thank you EVERYONE for the Bday wishes! This year, I’m getting the GREATEST GIFT EVER. CAN’T WAIT!" On Biel's birthday, Timberlake gushed about his wife: "“Happy Bday to the sweetest, most GORGEOUS, goofiest, most BAD-ASS chick I know. You make me smile ’til it hurts. I love you like crazy." Congrats to the new parents!

If any of you are like me, you are impatiently waiting for Netflix to release the third season of OITNB. I have been a die-hard fan of this show ever since it came out. I absolutely LOVE the storyline. In the first season, we learned about Piper Chapman's relationship with Alex Vause, how "Crazy Eyes" became the batsh*t crazy woman we all know (and love-hate). We painfully endured Pennsatucky's religious crusade to save all prisoners, "in the name of Jeebus." We learned about Sophia's painful journey to become the strong a** woman we all know, love, and admire. Diaz and the cute officer did the nasty and she got knocked up. At the end of season one, Pennsatucky got the beat down she deserved, thanks to Piper Chapman. Piper and Alex finally got back together, and then broke up again. In season 2, Alex and Piper went to court, and Alex screwed her over (which broke my heart). We were introduced to Taystee's "mom," Vee. Vee shook thin...

photo credit: paperblog Twenty years ago today, Rex Manning made an appearance at "Empire Records." Several screaming fans were awaiting the hot star. Cory borrowed Gina's lacy bra in order to seduce Mr. Manning, much to the dismay of AJ. Manning's agent was sick of the bullsh*t and quit hours after arriving. Cory decided to seduce Rex by bringing him his lunch. Cory then had second thoughts about f*cking Rex Manning, so Gina seized the opportunity to be with sexy Rexy. Shortly after, AJ attacked Rexy and Rexy left. Hahaha...good times. Good f*cking times. Folks, I was 13 years old when "Empire Records" came out. I was super excited for the movie, and even bought it when it came out on VHS. I watched it over and over again, to the point where I could memorize the entire movie. I loved the music, had monster crushes on the male cast, and couldn't get enough of the story. Empire Records is a fantastic movie. The music is f*cking amaz...

photo credit: Zimbio Oy. Here we go with another teenager saying that we don't know what it's like to be 17 years old. Williams sat down with Dazed magazine and said the following: "People think we’re f*cking stupid and we don’t know anything about anything. It’s really degrading. I get a lot of adults who are like, ‘You don’t know sh*t,’ and it’s like, ‘You don’t know sh*t. You have no idea what it’s like to be 17 years old.’” Huh?!. My Two Cents: Oh young Arya Stark, I thought you were smarter than this. I've watched you kick serious a$$ on Game of Thrones, and now you are spouting ignorance. I'm deeply disappointed in you. Honey, I was 17 once. My 17th year was one of the hardest years of my life. I was bullied relentlessly. My grades were poor. I was gothic as f*ck. I was getting high, and I hated a world that didn't want me as a member. I'm pretty sure I said the same thing you said. That's what teenagers do: They scream at adults,...

photo credit: worldlifestyle Welcome to Monday, my faithful readers! I trust you all had a lovely weekend! On today's cuteness report, we have a lovable puppy trying to reclaim a bed from an unimpressed cat. The pup has some serious strength. You'll see why when you press play. I give you....utter cuteness. Enjoy!  

photo credit: skeptinerd Well, according to an article on Raw Story, they are. Raw Story decided to clump all atheists (and agnostics) together and state that all of us are on Twitter butthurting Christians on the day Jesus rose up into Heaven (or something like that. It's been a while since I paid attention to the Bible). The writer of the article gathered together some notable Tweets and shared them with the masses. Richard Dawkins asked the question: "Who is the most over-rated person in history?" Comedian Ricky Gervais tweeted: "Have a lovely Easter. And remember, if you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing." He continued with: "I don't know why some people get upset by jokes about Jesus. It's not like he's dead or anything." The article writer then took tweets from non-famous people. Most of them called Jesus "zombie Jesus." Others are spending their day sleeping in, going to taco bell, and rubbing one out to...

photo credit: tntrealtygroupsd In 2013, Meaghan Hudson claimed to have cancer and only one year to live. For the next year, her parents set up fundraisers, collecting over $7,000 in donations. As sad as that is, it doesn't end there. Hudson's friends shaved their head and got tattoos in support of their ailing friend. Hudson's lies caught up to her last summer when an anonymous person phoned police and told them that Hudson was lying about having cancer. Police confronted Hudson and she admitted to police that she lied. She was arrested on felony charges and is currently out on bond. Understandably, no one is speaking to her. Her own parents have severed ties with her because of her lies. Hudson's parents will be returning the donation money to those who contributed money. My Two Cents: People like Hudson make me physically sick to my stomach. For the life of me, I cannot comprehend how someone could lie about having cancer, and just selfishly take from th...

photo credit: Zazzle The anti-gay laws in Indiana and Arkansas have dominated headlines for most of the past week. Both states have passed legislation that allows businesses to turn away individuals in the GLBTQ community. A pizza joint in Indiana made headlines when they refused to cater a gay wedding. They restaurant was forced to close after receiving numerous threats. Fans of the restaurant set up a GoFundMe page to help raise money for the troubled establishment. So far, it has raised over $800,000. The war on non-Republicans continued in Missouri, when Republicans wanted to ban food stamp recipients from buying steak, fish, soda, energy drinks, chips, and cookies. Republicans want to bring the SNAP program back to its original intent: specific items only. State rep Rick Brattin is the man who is sponsoring this bill. My Two Cents: Apparently Brattin has not done his research into the amazing health benefits of fish. Fish are full of Omega-3s, and are a helluva lot he...

photo credit: teanaga Normally when a man likes a woman, he would send flowers, poke them on Facebook, send chocolates, buy a teddy bear, sing them a cheesy ballad, etc. A man in Minnesota used another approach in order to woo the object of his desire. Robert John Lind decided to drop his pants and rub one out in his crush's coffee cup. The woman contacted police after catching Lind in the act. She told police that she caught Lind in a compromising position near her coffee cup. When Lind turned to face the object of his desire, he looked at her like a deer in headlights. She inspected her entire desk and noticed a very foul smell coming from her cup. She described the smell as being similar to urine, but more strange. She later told police that this had been an ongoing issue. Lind did confess to the cops that he did jerk off in the woman's coffee cup....a total of 4 times. He did ejaculate in her cup twice. He also stated that he was crushing hard on the woman and tha...